we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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