We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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