fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
