His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
