I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
a search helicopter?!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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