is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
