What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
