We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
