You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
