he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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