Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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