He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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