I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i came on her dog
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
