i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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