Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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