Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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