Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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