i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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