Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
