I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
