So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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