dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
