Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
