i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
