I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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