remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
