Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
