I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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