New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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