So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
