You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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