I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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