I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
last night I used snow as a chaser
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
