I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I had to cum in my sink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
