Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
