why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
