Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
