dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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