At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
