If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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