If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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