you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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