I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
