What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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