you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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