I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
