I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Your penis caused this!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
