i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
