youre lurking in front of me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
