There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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