Already got asked if we're dating
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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