I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.