well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital