i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.