have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!