Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night