please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".