I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
