what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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