we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
His nipple licking is glorious
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