You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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