Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
