As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
