He felt like a one man threesome
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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