My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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