you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
