I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
did i just pee glitter
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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