soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
