This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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