This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
