The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
